Not Wycherley's China Shop

Teaching Restoration drama is always a bit challenging, but I found great success by introducing students to the explicit puns of William Wycherley's The Country Wife. Read it. Enjoy it. But know that the china I'm about to discuss does not have the same connotation as in the play. This is *real* china.

This post is actually about my Grandma and Grandpa Rademaker, my maternal grandparents. I was lucky that I had all four of my grandparents healthy and active until I was in my mid-twenties. When I was 25, my paternal grandmother died and my paternal grandfather passed away a few years later. I missed them, but I still had my maternal grandparents with me, so I never felt quite as lost as I do now. Growing up, I spent more time with and felt much more comfortable with and much closer Grandma and Grandpa Rademaker...and, although I loved my paternal grandparents, I just have more memories with my maternal grandparents. Grandma and Grandpa Rademaker spent oodles of time with me, my siblings, and my 6 cousins; we had camp-outs, cook-outs, canoeing trips, cruise trips, Easter egg hunts, countless holidays, card and game playing, many enlightening discussions, and just secure and encouraging love.

Whenever I would dream about getting married, Grandma and Grandpa were always there, walking down the aisle for the grandparents' procession, and oh-so-happy for me and my fictional husband. I also hoped that I would get a chance to show them some great grandchildren (produced by me)...especially after I saw how happy they were with Ethan (my sister's child) and Jacob (my cousin James's child).

But if there's one lesson that Grandma and Grandpa taught me, it's that you never know what will happen in life. My Grandma died from breast cancer in early October 2009. She had a lump, apparently, for a couple of years, but didn't want any cancer treatment. It slowly spread, but she didn't feel weak or hampered in any way until August of 2009. So I'm glad that she didn't suffer and that she passed away, as she wanted, in her house, on her time. I got engaged on October 31, 2009, but I had told Grandma that Adam and I were planning to get married. Plus, she and Grandpa had met Adam several times, so I'm so happy about that.

My Grandpa just wasn't the same without Grandma by his side. He was still the list-making, organized, thoughtful man he always was, but he wasn't afraid to show everybody that he just lost a piece of his heart forever when my Grandma died. The love he showed for her continually inspires me to be a better wife to Adam, better mom to Oliver, better daughter/sister/in law/etc. Grandpa's legs had been failing since 2008, so he wasn't able to be at my wedding on March 20, 2010 in Virginia. However, he got to see pictures, and he told me how pretty I looked in my wedding dress. I'll always cherish the loving words he said to me when I telephoned him on the morning of my wedding. Grandpa died in early June 2010; the doctors list his death as due to pneumonia, but my family and I know he was just ready to be with Grandma again.

My mom and her siblings are busy executing Grandpa and Grandma's will, but they took the time to be sure that my cousins, siblings, and I all had several things by which to remember our grandparents. At Grandpa's funeral, the pallbearers (my brother David and cousins James, Lee, Kevin, Martin, and Matt) all wore one of Grandpa's plaid shirts. It was a really moving tribute.



I received the bookshelves that my Grandpa built back in the 1960s (they're amazing!) and several other items. I really love the tea cup and saucer set with four-leaf clovers that I received. Grandma had red hair in her youth and Irish ancestry to back it up, so the delicate tea-and-saucer set just reminds me of her.

I was also lucky enough to receive Grandma and Grandpa's china set. Adam and I were engaged in October and married in March, but didn't even start planning the wedding until late January. We were married in a rush because I was (unexpectedly) done with school and we just wanted to start living our life together. That said, we registered for and receieved a host of wonderful wedding presents, but we didn't register for any china. When I told our respective moms that we just hadn't found any china we liked, they both understood (and left the topic alone), but I knew my Grandma would have heartily suggested that we keep looking. Adam and I found everyday china that we loved, but no china pattern jumped out at us. It wasn't that we disagreed on a pattern; we just agreed that we didn't like any china patterns. So we filed china away as something that we'd just get someday, if we ever wanted/needed some.

My mom suggested that I look at Grandma's china to see if I wanted it when we were in Fort Wayne for Grandpa's funeral. I looked at it and loved it! I remembered using it as a child at holidays and special occasions, but I hadn't remembered what it looked like because we had stopped using Grandma and Grandpa's house as the holiday gathering place when Grandpa got sick. It was always easier to just have get-togethers at my parents or my aunt and uncle's house. I had Adam look at it (while I held my breath, hoping he'd like it), and he loved it too! It's simple and sweet. Just white plates with a thin rim of silver, and what I think are cattails in gray and silver. It's very us: quaint and polished, with a little bit of whimsy. And I like to think that my grandparents would have described themselves, and their relationship, in just the same way.


It's true that life doesn't work out the way we plan. I miss Grandma and Grandpa and wish they could have been there on my wedding day and that they could see the little ankle-biters that Adam and I will (someday...in the future!) produce. But I never planned on having Grandma's china set either, and I think that makes the china even more special to me. It's the unexpected treasures that make you appreciate and enjoy life even more. When Adam and I were setting up the china, I had to go upstairs and just cry a little bit for how much I miss my grandparents. But I get to see a piece of them everyday now, and I get to share this lovely treasure with my treasure of a husband. Life doesn't work out as we plan, but it does work out to be a treasure. Thanks, Grandma and Grandpa. You're the best.