I think everyone probably has one crazy aunt (except for me...I just have 3 wildly fun aunts), and I know I was probably always destined to be "that" crazy aunt. Crazy Aunt Cathy...a weird, Shakespeare/Harry Potter-obsessed creature who adores her dog and overthinks just about everything. Oh well! I'm happy being that aunt.
However, all this baby talk (along with a lot of my friends announcing or being pregnant or having children) does make me wonder whether I'm just aunt material now or whether I might be a mommy myself. I know that, for some women, this is a simple question to answer, and I have to admit that I'm jealous of those lovely ladies who know they'll be fantastic moms.
But I'm a little scared:
- I'm not that creative of a cook (and when I do get creative, something usually goes wrong!);
- I reach for wit and logic when dealing with unruly children (I blame that on the college students I teach--who respond better to such tactics rather than goopy sentimentalism);
- my little dog Oliver is already basically the perfect child (I can leave him for several hours with no accidents, problems, or child-services phone call; he eats and goes to the bathroom when I tell him; he very rarely wakes me up in the middle of the night);
- I like to sleep and recover my strength when I feel weak (which has happened more recently);
- I still feel a little too young to have kids (which I know sounds weird since I'm 31...but I've only been free from school for one year);
- I might be too self-consumed (this worry always crops up when I spend time reading, relaxing, etc and find myself liking time with myself...is that weird? Plus, look at all the times I just said "I"!!).
However, the most pressing concern is that I still feel undecided in my profession. After leaving the Ph.D. program, I gained several part-time jobs, and I love my work! However, I feel like I'm skipping around, doing a lot of work without much focus. I always thought that I would have a full-time job before I became a mom and, since still wonder if I might/could/should/want to go back to school sometimes, I suppose I'm just confused. And I don't know if a confused mom is the best thing...
I do have the best helpers in the world: the best husband in the world who will easily be a brilliant, fantastic, amazing father; my own parents who showed me just how wonderful parents can be; and caring, funny family and friends. And I do want to be a mom someday! Even with all that, though, I worry about my abilities as a mother and as a person. I've been told that I overthink everything too much. Hmm, maybe this post proves that?
Anyway, I'm glad to be an aunt (twice!). :)
The people who never worry about their ability to be a good parent are the ones I worry about! :) That either means they have no idea what they are in for or that they will not think about how to be the best parent they can be. Also- wit and logic are extremely useful tools when dealing with kids, and being a creative cook is not a requirement...peanut butter and jelly FTW! :) You'll be amazing with kids or without!
ReplyDeleteCathy, I think I'm a terrific mom. (Yeah, I know; I'm too modest.) I have four amazingly wonderful children who are making great lives for themselves. One of them just graduated from college and hasn't found a job yet, but who am I to cast stones in that area?
ReplyDeleteOkay, so let's deal with your criteria.
--I'm not that creative of a cook -- Honey, I'm not a good cook at all. My daughters and one son say that they learned to cook in self-defense. I assigned each child a night to cook starting at about the age of 11 -- partly so that I wouldn't have to cook!
-- I reach for wit and logic when dealing with unruly children -- That's probably a good way to deal with children a lot of the time. Doesn't work with babies, but you can find out about that later.
-- my little dog Oliver is already basically the perfect child -- Okay, there's a problem here. I know you love Oliver. I have three dogs and I dearly love them all. However, please don't ever say, "I have no children; my dog is my child." Believe me, it is NOT the same thing. Don't joke about this one. I can tell you about it if you want.
-- I like to sleep and recover my strength when I feel weak -- Of course. Don't we all? But mothers of small children don't get to do that very much. It's just part of the job.
-- I still feel a little too young to have kids (which I know sounds weird since I'm 31...but I've only been free from school for one year) -- Our grandson was born about a year after our younger daughter graduated. He was born in July and she went back to work in September. Somehow, it worked. :-)
-- I might be too self-consumed -- Yeah, that's kind of an occupational hazard for the childless. Don't worry about it. Having kids cures a lot of that.
None of this means you *should* have kids. However, none of this means you shouldn't, either. Of course it's up to you and your beloved. (Not talking about Oliver here.) Just think about it.
Cathy, its nice to know someone else is on the same page as I am. I love being able to take naps on Sunday afternoons and not having someone else rely on me for everything. Enjoy being an aunt and the life you have right now. Kids will happen for you and Adam when the time is right!
ReplyDeleteI think the fact that you're so introspective just means you think things through and do a very good job when you attempt something. You've got plenty of time. I wouldn't take anything for the "just the two of us" time Roger and I had alone together before the kiddos came! I remember I was so worried about not waking up to hear my babies at night because I've always been (and still am) such a sound sleeper. But when they came along, something just kicked in I guess. I surprised myself at all the motherly instincts that just seemed to appear out of nowhere! :)
ReplyDeleteI feel you... it all freaks me out too! I'm sure you'll be a fine momma whenever that time comes :)
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