My blog title sounds like a Britney Spears' song. Sorry! :) I'm a Slave 2 Her?
Anyway, I just have not figured out my life. I'm still dealing with not working in a doctoral program anymore. So, when offered 4 sections of teaching, I snapped it up because (heck!) I'm used to teaching two classes and taking two classes....that should equal the same amount of work, right? NO! It doesn't. I'm prepping multiple courses and am working for two schools (double the regulations, double the requirements, etc) and I have nearly 100 students--all of whom are turning in multiple composition essays. It's just too much.
In addition, I'm not used to being married. In my bachelorette life, if I wanted to work all evening (as I often did), I could. But I want to spend time with my husband, and the only time we have is at the end of the work-day or on the weekends. When I created my schedule, I thought that I could work at a combination of my three jobs 8-5 almost everyday and then I'd find time to grade later in the evening. But that's just not working. I need to have grading built into my day because I am seriously killing myself. I don't eat breakfast, don't have time for lunch, and don't let myself have bathroom breaks. I'm worn out but can't fall asleep at night because I'm too worried about what I haven't gotten to yet. I'm a mess.
I'm truly grateful for my jobs, and I realize that this problem is all my fault. Also, I realize that I will not (can not!!) accept as many teaching jobs for Spring 2011, so I will be able to build grading time into my workday. But if anyone has suggestions on how to deal with all of this, please let me know. I'm seriously crumbling under all this stress (and all the papers). All I wanted was a job being a professor...but now I just want a job that ends--truly ENDS--at 5 p.m. And, geez, even with my three jobs, I'm still making three times less than my husband. I'm an idiot for pushing myself so hard for so little money.
Help??? Please!!!
Okay, I see a few options here: (1) Quit all of those jobs and become a homemaker. If that doesn't seem good enough, get knocked up and become a SAHM! (2) DON'T assign as many papers. Duh! Tell your students that their compositions have to be 100 words or less. haha
ReplyDeleteI feel for ya because I know how you feel. I'm so jealous of Mark getting to lounge on the couch, work in the yard, go biking, etc. after work, and I'm always stuck at home attempting to grade papers or write lesson plans. Like you, I'm making 1/3 less to work 3x more everyday! I don't have any REAL suggestions, but just remember that your sanity and hubby are way more important than a job!
Oh me... sounds like you need a stress reliever! I'm so sorry and understand. I sometimes take on too much too, but wow. Not sure I've taken on THAT much! The only suggestion I have is take a walk. Then again, I'm a stressed mess, so maybe ask someone other than me :) Also, take bathroom breaks or you will get a kidney infection. That I know is true. haha
ReplyDeleteI wish I had magic words of advice, but I just wanted to offer support. Try to carve out time that is protected from work. Even if every evening can't be "free," pick some that are and stick to them. (Easier said than done, I know.) When I found myself up an worrying into the night during school, I found that writing things down (or even saying them into a mini-recorder) helped me "let go" and relax. I think it was because what kept me up was worrying that I would forget whatever it was that was running through my head, so this method reassured me that it wouldn't be forgotten. Or something like that!
ReplyDeleteGood luck!!!
First, take a deep breath. You are a smart lady and a talented teacher, everything will get done. It may not feel like it, but stuff usually works out. I agree with Kati's idea about writing down your worries, then you know they are on paper and you can deal with them the next day.
ReplyDeleteI am sure your husband knows you are stressed and understands that you have work to do. The semester is only so long and you just have to get through it. Make sure you are taking time for yourself so you can do what you need to do. You can't be of any use to your husband or students if you are malnourished and have kidney/urinary tract infections.
My other suggestion is to do the bare minimum or "good enough". I think we as women want everything to be perfect and as a result we bust our proverbial balls to get everything right. The truth is it doesn't have to be perfect, it has to be just good enough.
Thanks, girls! It's so great to know that I'm not the only overworked, underpaid, and overly stressed-out person in the world. I'm glad I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling better now because I was able to finish a bunch of grading, and Adam convinced me that Saturday will be a day devoted to pumpkin-picking, fall decor, and relaxing. That'll make me feel better. :)
Jen--I'll leave the "mommying" to you, for now! I'm still a newlywed. :)
Laura--thanks for the suggestion on a walk; Oliver has been trying to make me take him on a long walk, so I'll have to indulge him. And I'll be sure to take care of my kidneys!:)
Kati--I love your suggestion. I wrote down my frustrations last night after grading, and felt 10 times better!
Abby--You're absolutely right; I do only need to be "good enough"--my silly conceit of thinking I always have to be perfect or provide the best feedback isn't healthy for me.
Thanks again for helping me. I feel much better, and it's great to know that friends are here in cyberspace! :)